Remember Me

I love the movie Shawshank Redemption for two reasons, one is the relationship between Andy and Red and also the story it simply tells.  My husband asks me each time he catches me watching it "how can you watch that movie again?". Some might say it is a feel good movie because it has a great ending.  The hero or the main character wins in the end.  Our lives are a bit like a movie.  We move through life knowing or ignoring we will have an end.  Some of our lives will end very abruptly or we just might die as an old man or woman.  No one knows except for God.  How we live is essential to what we will be remembered for and how we will spend our eternity.  It seems as if lately there have been a lot of death around me.  Such as friends, neighbors, and patients. Immediately as soon as I hear of their passing, I start to remember things they did. For example, Mary my friend was a faithful prayer warrior.  I gave her a rosary while she was going through treatment she would pray for others while she was there. Terry who loved her husband Steve more than life itself. Sharon was a devoted nurse and loved her parents.  Jesse a young man who loved life and was too young to die. All of these didn't make it to be and old man or woman, their lives ended way to soon, but they did make an impact on those people around them. 

While studying Acts we have talked a great deal about Paul and his life.  We all know that Paul name was Saul before his life changing moment on the road to Damascus. He then went on the preach God word with all his heart and all his soul. Though Paul did some bad things in his past he is most remembered by being a Man of God's word. He discipled others.  He proclaimed Gods name! And that folks is what we are to do as well. Though we are not Paul we can still tell others about Christ and what he has done for us. I know for sure at the end of my life when all is said and gone, want others to remember me for loving God.  

What's in a name?

Yesterday I had the daunting task of getting my oil changed.  I had called earlier in the week to make and appointment at the dealership in which I bought the car. I pulled up and parked and I noticed that there was two men talking to the man at the service desk. To my surprise when I walked in the man at the desk did not hesitate and asked me if he could help me. I told him my name and he asked "will you be leaving or staying"? I replied I would be staying.  I turned and walked over to the waiting room. Just as I was sitting down I remembered that my husband wanted me have them check another thing in the car.  I quickly walked back over and told him.  As I walked out an older man held the door open for me.  Something that is not a practice for younger men now days but that is another blog. I thanked him and he said "mam, did I hear you say your name was Reitz?'  I replied yes and then he said " Do you happen to be related to?"  I replied quickly "Charles"?   His face lit up and he said "Yes."  This is usually the prelude to a conversation about how they knew my father n law and how much he meant to them.

My father n law was Charles Reitz.  He was a local pastor for many years.  He served in the Korean war.  When he came home from the war he went to college and became a pastor.  He served at many churches throughout the years.  He was bold in his belief about Christ.  He touched many people in his lifetime, many that we will never meet. 

Today was the exception,  I was meeting one of those people. As I sat down in the waiting room the man shook my hand and introduced himself to me. I the same.  We started talking and he wanted me know how much my father n law meant to him.  He began to tell me how he knew him and his wife and how much of inspiration he was to him.  We continued to talk for a long time about one subject to another. Our conversation ended of course when our vehicles were finished.   As I drove home I had to call Tim about something.  I told him about the man and he had no idea who I was speaking about.  I told him where he lived, his childrens names, his wife's name, and where he went to church. Still no idea.  So with this conversation and many others I have had my mind started thinking.  What is in a name?

A name is so powerful.  It is basically all that we can leave when we pass away that will last for years to come. What we attach to our name is up to us.  What do we want people to say about us when they hear our name after we pass away.   Our name can have a positive meaning by what we do in our lives.  Serving, giving and doing all things in Christs name, or it can have and negative impact by being selfish , hatred and not serving our Lord.  

FOCUSED

Let's have a family game night once a month.  "Okay, sounds like a plan."  So the first family game night was this past Saturday evening.  It started out with dinner and then some friendly yard games, like cornhole and Bouchie ball.  Each game has some sort strategizing but also takes a certain set of skills to make that happen.  After playing a few games of each we headed into the house for desert and a new game.  The game happened to be one that Cody brought to the table, Parcheesi.   After Cody and Taylor read the rules, it was game on, and I mean literally game on. Basic rules are to get your pieces out of a start box and on to the board with a roll of five on the die.  Then you move your pieces around the board aiming to get them to each individual safe zone.  As you move around the board you can knock people all the way back to their very beginning.  Players can create blockades so no one can pass them. Each player had their own strategy in their minds.  Some were all about knocking the others off the space and putting them back in the home box.  It got brutal at times.  Me I had one goal in mind and that was to get home.  I didn't care who I was next too or who I could knock back in home. I just stayed focused and tried to my pieces to my safe zone which was home. It wasn't until I was almost to home with two of my pawns when someone said, "how did that happen?"  I said my goal was just to get home. Did I win?  YES

The game night tied into a sermon series my preacher is in the middle of called Playing Games. We talked about getting sidetracked at times and losing our focus on God.  So many times, we are to be worried about all the things around us and put God to the side.  I am so guilty of about worrying why I don't have friends like other people, money or just silly stuff.  All that stuff would fall to the wayside if I just FOCUSED on GOD.  He is the only one that should be in our sights.

Just the Trailer

There are so many reasons I enjoy going to Sunday school. One is that it is smaller group of people, though I feel like I am an extrovert at work I am truly introverted at heart. It is a time to really dig into the word of God together.  Yesterday in our Sunday School class we were studying the book of Ester.  How God has perfect timing in all things.  We shared as a group how Gods perfect timing in our lives.  After class my mind kept remembering time after time how HIS timing was just right.  During many of times I surely didn't think that God was there at all, but he proved me wrong over and over. Just tonight one of those times happened to my daughter.  She has a migraine all day long.  She was determined to go hunting tonight on the last day of deer season because she has been working most of the season and has not killed anything. Once she was in the standing, she started feeling sick to her stomach from the headache, so she decided to call it quits for the night.  On her was home she happened to see a car on fire.  An elderly female had just hit a tree and was unconscious when she got to the car.  Karlie managed to get help to woman.  God used Karlie in that woman's life. WOW!  As my friend and I talked today we talked about are we lucky that we don't see the entire picture like God does. My friend said "Our life is like a movie to God, and he has seen the entire movie.  We have humans have only seen the trailer of the movie."   We are so blessed to have him on our side.  

Water

On my way to the doctor the other day early in the morning on Jan 6 I passed a water park.  Of course the water park was closed for the season.  In comparison to the middle of summer with lots of people in bathing suits soaking up the sun and it was just as empty and dry. The park was quite lifeless, almost as if it was permanently closed.  Nothing left just empty slides, tunnels and snack stands.  If I pass by in about 3 months, the park will surely tell a different story.  The park will be full of life.  Water is the key thing that brings the park back to life it is meant for.  Water!  Jesus spoke of "living water to the woman at the well."  The woman at the well came to draw water.  He asked her for a drink.  But she replied, " How can you ask me for a drink when you are Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman?"   He replied If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water."  Of course, she was confused, and he began to explain.  The living water is Jesus.  Salvation in him so we can have eternal life. You see when we except Jesus Christ as our savior we become alive again because we were dead in sin.  Jesus died for our sin so we could live an eternal life with him in heaven.    Just like the park and us, though different type of water it does the same.  It brings us a promise of life. It renews us in so many ways it is hard to explain.  

Shoes Off

My husband and I did a thing this year that was so unexpected. We invited two female high school exchange students to come and live with us for a school year.  We are not new to this experience, but we did it when we had children in the home.  So, this time as empty nesters we decided to bring in two so they would have someone their own age in the home.  Two trips to the airport, two different languages, two different tastes in food, twice as many questions and twice as much fun.   At first it feels as they are guest to us, and they feel like they are guest in our home.  It takes a few weeks to get settled into a routine and feel comfortable with each other.  One of the first questions that was brought to us from both was about shoes in the house.  Each of them asked if they should take their shoes off at the door.  Tim said, "you take your shoes off when you are in the house?"  "Yes" replied both of them.  "Why?" Tim asked.  One of them explained that when you come in from the outside you bring all the dirt in on your clean floors.  I said, " I should start that practice because I dislike sweeping the floor ALL the time."   It is custom to take your shoes off in temples of the Hindu religion as a sign of humbleness as a part of worship.  Yesterday when I when to church I wore a simple sundress and some sandals.  The sandals were hurting my feet so during worship I slipped them off.  I felt so connected in church as I stood there without my shoes on singing praises to God. Standing there without my shoes brought me right back to the conversation of taking our shoes off in the home.  The church is a place where we can let go of the "dirt" we bring in with us as we enter the sanctuary. God wants us to feel renewed after we come to worship him.  So many times, we leave feeling the same way as we came in.  He wants to take away our burdens and sorrows. Psalm 55.22 reminds " Turns you burdens over to the Lord, and he will take care of you.   He will never let the righteous person stumble.

Bitter Sweet

Just now sitting down to reflect on the past year.  I can look back on 2021 without a doubt and say it was bitter sweet.  We all know what that saying means throughout the year the was the sweetest of sweet moments and just the same as of bitter.  I did learn that God gives us both to learn lessons in life.  Some that we need for sure. Through the bitter moments came some sweetness out of them and the same as the sweetest moments came some bitter.  All of which I needed for sure.  I can say that now that 2021 is about a month behind me. Let me explain of few of those. I started out the year with Covid. Locked in my room for 10 days to keep my husband well.  A bitter moment for sure but the sweetness was knowing how lucky I was to have a spouse able to take care of me. I did have to face time him to teach him how to make a couple of coffee because he didnt know how to make coffee.  Other bitter moment were Hurricane Ida who graciously put a tree on top of my home, the death of my grandmother, and last of not all having to have my front tooth pulled 5 months before my daughters wedding.  Such times brought the kindness of neighbors when I really needed help, a renewed connection with family that I havent seen in such a long time and knowing I have the best dentist in the world.  On the flip side there were such sweet moments that brought out such bitterness. One of the sweetest moments of the year was my daughters wedding. It produced a sweet of sweet time but it opened up a big conversation that needed to be had between me and someone else.  All were growing moments in my life.  God intends for us to grow in Christ.  He gives us these moments to teach us to be better. The bible are the names of people who learned lessons from bitter situations and stayed strong. Such names a Joseph, Job and Ruth. All had bitter moments in their lives but stayed faithful and strong.  Lord give me the strenght to grow.

It is the wee hours of the morning and I am sitting in my recliner with a cozy blanket across my lap, with my Lysa Terkeurst book beside me with a steaming cup of coffee.  Oh and let me not forget the sounds of comfort that surround me, worship music playing softly from my alexa, dog snoring and the sound of rain. Why am I up at this hour on a Saturday morning when I could be tucked snuggly in my bed sleeping? First my new puppy who slept for a solid seven and now was ready to go out and be fed and my inability to fall back to sleep. It is in times like theses that I come to know God better. We have our best conversations during times like this.  He knew I needed to come to a new understanding of something today and wrap up my feelings of this past year.  

Every year I pray for a word. A word that I  would pray on throughout the year and focus my life on. This year my word was renew.  I wasn't sure how this word would be played out in my life this year. First, to be renewed you have to be cleansed, stripped down to the natural self and then you can be renewed.  Like a wooden rocking chair that needs to be restained. You have to strip the old stain off and sand the heck out of it and then you can restain it. If you try to stain over the old stain the wood wont absorb the new stain and the old stain is still there.  I was stripped down to the old wood this year by God.  I started this year with a life changing surgery that changed the way I had to do things. I had a ACDF repair ( my cervcical vertebrae were fused from C3-C7). Also I was left with a scar across my neck. I was forced to sit still and not do anything.  That is so not like me. But during that time of stillness I prayed and focused on God and getting to know him better.  Each time I prayed I asked God for a much needed direction in my life which led me to leaving my church that I was a current member. It would be one of the most hardest decisions in my life because I would be attending a different church than my husband. I went to several churches and after about 3 months I went back to my home church. The church that raised me as one of my friends said the other night. I felt like I was at home at last.  They wrapped their arms around me and loved on me that the prodigal son. Not only have they loved on me they have shared some gut wrenching truth with me in my Sunday school class.  Truths that I needed to hear in sermons that have help me get back to my natural wood for the past seven months. I had become and old used rocking chair. 

Not only was changing churches was a big renewl in my life but I changed jobs in May. Now you I am not a spring chicken.  I have been a labor and delivery nurse for 29 years and now I was looking for something that was a little less physical because without much success my job would not work with me in changing roles. So God said lets get busy looking and he provided and opportunity for me. I was now interviewing for a job in an Chemotherapy Infusion Unit. WHAT?  Believe it or not I got the job and was now about to start a new adventure.  Lets make this brain work.  I have been blessed  unmeasurably. The patients are the sweetest ever and the staff is Fantastic. I had been sanded down by making me learn something new and see my worth.  My sense of worth was gone from a job that beat me down every day and a church that made me feel like I was unworthy as a friend or member.

Now that I had been stripped down I was ready for the refinishing. God has kept his hand on me the entire time through all this. He still had to wrap this year up for me by showing me even though I had been refinished you could still see my scars and that would be the new me.  My scar on my neck will always be there as well as the new on down my face from skin cancer removed last week. He also showed me that my scars on my heart would always be there.  Which remind me of my favorite quote." Scars remind u where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we are going."   Those scars will always be there and sometime they will hurt.  Like last night I saw a post where a group of women I longed to be a part of,and their group posted they were blessed to have each other.  I burst into tears like a big baby but I made the decision to get rid of FB for good because I do not want it to dictate my feelings anymore. God was sanding a final few rough edges of and brought these words to me this morning through Lysa Terkeurst.  I have to realize when I see certain "they will continue to walk and live on their side of street and I will continue to walk and live my life on my side of the other side of the street. I have learned this promise this year  And the God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while , will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast (1 Peter 5:10)

I was talking to a co worker the other day and the subject came up about teenagersOan to explain how when I was younger and my friends went somewhere or hung out with someone else I didn't know until someone told me. Usually it happened at school or on the bus. Really made me feel inadequate.  It was like a punch in the gut. Instead of blowing it off, I immediately jumped to the conclusion that there was something wrong with me.  Teenagers get to see it right off.  The see it on FB, Instagram or snapchat. It is in their face.  But this week I realized that I am not that much different from teenagers.  I let it get to me just as much as I did as a teenager.  I immediately think "What is wrong with me?"  I get teary eyed and my heart hurts.  I had to ask myself why I still let it get to me?  

Over the years I have met and know so many people but really do not have a close friend. I know that I am the common denominator of the equation so that is where the doubting of myself comes into play.  As a high schooler I was responsible for watching my little sister and brother and working that I didn't have time to "hang" out with friends. I then went to college and didn't have develop any close relationship with no one because I worked and went to school. As I started working I thought I had friends from all my jobs but no one. I have even lived in the same area for 22 years and no one.  I know a pity party for one but that is not what I want you to get out of this. 

Today I was glancing at facebook and I saw a group of women I know going out for some fun. It is the same group that started a bible study. It is the same group they was developed by women in my church who were my age. My heart got sad.All those high school feelings came back. Why? Because I feel like I am unworthy of being anyone friend. What is wrong with me. Why am I not included?  I just wanted to scream out  I AM LONELY.  I JUST WANT A FRIEND.  I am even a little envious of Woody and Buzz.  I know they are animated.  

As I pray and focus on Gods he tell me  I love you child.  He gently whispers to me.  Don't look to worldly things or people to love you.  I love you child of mine.  I have got you. 

He knows my heart and wants me to want him like I want to be wanted by people.

Most of the time when a blog idea comes to me I don't have time to write about it.  So I jot the idea down on a piece of paper or type into my notes on my phone. Honestly  they land in my phone and they stay there for awhile until I clean out my notes.  Today was one of those days where I need to clean up my notes. It was full of grocery lists, passwords I don't use anymore and,of course,my ideas. This one particular note was from at least two years ago.  This one I couldn't delete because it said so much in one little phrase.  

So two years ago Tim and I were staying on a military base to save some money on hotel cost. Actually it was very nice. It has its own private beach (which I definitely took advantage of). One day,  I was sitting on the beach when I noticed a lighthouse.  It was beautiful.  You see lighthouses are used to guide the sailors to shore in the dark, dark night at sea. A night at sea without the moon is very, very dark to where one cannot see the shore at all. Sailors need that light from the lighthouse to  guide them in or they would be lost at sea.  The best way I can explain this darkness is the darkness we experience during a power outage. Here is my point, there is a light we need to see our way out of the dark.  The darkess the sailors experience represents us walking in our sin. We are walking in sin which is painfully dark and God reveals Himself to us as the light.  In the bible there is a perfect example of this.  Saul was on his way to Damascus when God blinded him.  When he was able to see again he knew where his vision came from and he saw the light. Without our Lighthouse at sea, we would never be able to be guided through life and be stuck in the darkness. 

Deposits or Withdrawls

Woke up this morning with a different feeling in the air.  The air outside was crisp, cool and breezy.  What a wonderful change that has been anticipated.  I love the fall because of the coolness and the wonderful colors all around me.  It also gives me a chance to enjoy the outside without sweating to death. YAY!!  I am going for a walk this morning. Headphones, tennis shoes on and my hair pulled back I am ready to go. Lets not forget my loyal companion beside me.  She is as ready to go just as I am. Noelle my walking partner knows the path I take so well she uses a short cut and beats me to the beginning of the path.  She normally does not wait for me because she takes her sweet time and I mean business.  When we are walking we resemble the story of the tortoise and the hare.  I am the tortoise(steady and keep on the path) and she is the hare(she stops and smells, pees and greets every dog in her path).  Our walk is never without a friend or two crossing our path.  Friends I mean dog friends.  My neighborhood is filled with dogs just hanging out at their homes.  All of them have to come out and greet her. Some of them come out and bark and bark and bark but she just ignores them and keeps on walking. Some of the walk with us for a bit and then head back home. This reminds me of human life and how are life is one big walk.  We walk with people for a little bit and make a positive impact or we just take from them.

As humans we meet people wherever we go.  At the store, work, appointments and when we are out for fun. So as we walk through life we have a responsibility.  We make deposits on everyone we meet or we make withdrawls.  What do I mean by this.  When you come in contact with someone during the day do we make deposit or do we make a withdrawl.  A deposit is a positive impact on that person.  Example, I have a friend who is so sweet.  She always greet you with "hello beautiful" and then a kiss and a hug. She always makes a deposit.  You can be having the worst day of your life and she makes you feel so special.  She also listens to you.  When you are talking to her she is not on her phone is truly listening to what you have to say.  Nothing worse than talking to someone and they are on their phone and they say"did you say something?"  That's a withdrawals.  You just told them in a few words that you are less important than the person on the phone.  I also know a person who every times she see me she complains about one thing or another. She always make withdrawals from me. I feel so depleted when she hangs up or walks away.  There are so many ways to make deposits in peoples lives. A smile, a touch, or kind words or just listening intentionally.  There are so many way to make withdrawals.  Such a gossip(someone was talking about you but I wont tell you what they said because that would upset you), complaining, or being just negative.  So next time you are heading out for the day decide what are you going to do.  Are you going to make more deposits or more with drawls.  It is easy to make make withdrawals and it takes a lot to make deposits.  You have to think about.   

I found this quote: "If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life you will

be out of balance and in the negative.  Know when to close the account"

Window Sin

I walked into the kitchen the other day and my husband's new kitten was sitting in the window watching something.  As I walked over, I noticed there was a wasp caught between the glass and the screen. How did it get in there? I concluded that there was a small hole that allowed the wasp just enough room to get into the window and become trapped.  I asked my husband to get him out because I  have a great intense anxiety for the little pests.  I would have to say that wasps are my biggest fear. Later that day the wasp was still frantically going back and forth attempting to get out but was to no avail. What he could not see is that the way out was so simple.   Many times the wasp would pass right by the hole and keep on going.  Back and forth he kept going for days but never got out (yes, he died). 
Where am I going with this?  Everyday we slip into that little hole in the screen called sin. Once we are in that hole we keep pacing in our sin. We feel "trapped" as if there is no way out. However, scripture says that there is always a way out of temptation. In 1 Corinthians 10:13 it says," No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." How faithful is our God! We do not have to be like that wasp, trapped in a never-ending trail of sin. We have a God that has revealed to us a way out of sin through repentance through Jesus Christ. Everyday we sin and sometimes we feel as if we are trapped completely, but we can be encouraged because God has opened our eyes to that way out called repentance. 
-Kimberly Reitz

Be There

I have a wonderful job so I here.  Patients tell me all the time you have the best job in the world.  You get to see babies born everyday!  I smile graciously an tell them "you are so right, it is the best job."  Thinking to myself NOT, if you only knew.The part of it they don't see if what makes not so the best job in the world sometimes.  They don't see where we all run to a room because a baby is in distress and we are trying to stay calm for the family but we really want to scream! They don't see the part when we are all maxed out with our patient load and we see another pregnant patient walk up to the desk.  The don't see us changing our clothes after we have been splashed with body fluids.  They don't see us cleaning and washing a baby who has gone to be with our sweet maker and us trying to hold back our tears for the family because we have to walk into our  other patients room who is delivering  a healthy  baby.  So why am I writing this?


This sums up how the world is!  Our world is such a busy place.  We are running here and there twenty four seven.  I know that I have heard it said a million times. "there is just not enough time in the day. "  But why?  God gave us plenty of time we just don't manage it well.  He even has to tell us to rest  and gave  us a day of rest. He even rested while making our planet. But as humans we have made or day of rest a day of shopping, cleaning house, going to ball games, hunting, and belive me plenty of committee meetings a church.


There is an old saying that goes something like this  " sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses" What does that mean.  To me it means to slow down and enjoy the life that we have been given.  Before long our children that God blessed us with will be adults. Some of our family and friends will be gone. Things that you thought that would always be there are gone.  No one want regrets at the end of their life. That is why so many older adults go through depression because their life is almost over and they have regrets.
 
Make a promise to yourself to make things count this year. Do the things that can only happen once over the things that you can do all the time.  Like going to a wedding instead of staying home and watch television or go a surprise birthday party.  Make you moments count. Slow down this year and stop to smell the roses.  For me,I really take in the moment of being in a delivery of someones baby because I really do have the best job in the world. 


G

The Barstool

Just last Tuesday while I was at work  I received a call at work.  One that no one wants to receive but it will happen probably once to everyone.  "Honey it is me  I just wanted to let you know that your grandpa passed away."  To be honest I was expecting the call to be soon because he had been suffering with cancer in the recent days.  In the next few hours I managed to get off work and prepare to head home for the services.  It wasn't going to be a pleasant visit because I was going to say goodbye to a man I dearly loved but it was also a time I was going to get to see some family I haven't seen in years.  The few days passed quickly.  There were some family members that I got to see they had never met my family.  In conversations with them it was like we just talked yesterday.  Most of them seem to start off with "yeah  I saw it on facebook"   so it was like they just talked to me.  So sad but that is another topic.  With other family members  the bitterness or anger disappeared because we were there for the same purpose, to say goodbye.


Before I headed home back to Loranger. I decided to stop at my grandmothers house for a goodbye. The same house she had lived in since I was a little girl.  Everything still look the same.
She asked me if I would like a cup of coffee.  I poured my cup and fixed it using the same sugar bowl I had for years and then it happened.  I sat down in the bar stool at the kitchen counter and all of those memories came pouring out.  It was the same bar stool I crawled in a child to watch my grandma cook and wash the dishes.  The same bar stool I sat in to read the morning paper with my grandfather as he worked on his crossword puzzle every morning..  It was the same on I would sit in and talk to Tim when I lived there and lived here.. It was the same one she use to tie my girls in with an apron because with didn't have a high chair. It was the same one I had endless conversation with my grandmother and grandfather and all the advice they would give me.  I could go on and on with memories.  All those memories or good ones and I am glad I can say I was able to say goodbye to wonderful man without any regrets.  Don't let someone leave this earth and you wishing you had said goodbye.  Take the time to call them and touch base other than facebook.  Forgive the ones you need forgive.  Love on the ones you see everyday.  Treat everyday like it is the last.

The Cross in my yard

Every Christmas we decorate our home with lights.  Should I say that I decorate our home with lights. Tim has helped me the last couple of years and the girls attempt to help.  I am really over the entire light thing, but the girls ask me every year to put them up. Just face it, lights are simply pretty to look at.  So I wanted to do something a little bit different last year.  I decided to put up cross in the yard so everyone that passed would know that in our home we knew the "reason for the season." I thought it was a wonderful idea.  until my daughter told me that was totally cheesy.  Despite what my eldest child thought I put the cross up anyway. I decorated it with white lights.  It was so pretty.  I placed it where everyone could see it.  After the season the cross stayed in the yard but has been moved to mow the grass  or to spray round up.  Now it sits behind some bushes on the other side of the yard.  I noticed the other day that it had rags hanging on it from a washed car, "REALLY" , who would do that.  To me  the cross which is only a symbol represents our faith.  Which represents Who and what I believe in. Though it is only a symbol it should be treated with respect just as we should treat our savior.  I realized I was just as guilty for doing the same by moving it around the yard and hiding it behind the bushes because I didn't want it in the yard anymore. So all of this made me think.  I am guilty of bringing Christ out for the special occasions such as Christmas and Easter.  I use him  when I need something, like a drying rack for a dirty old rag.  He deserves much better than that because of what he did for us.

All Cracked Up

 I went to the store to buy groceries for the week.  A typical thing that everyone does at least once.  Yes even the man of the house.  I think my husband has been in the store at least once. While I was in the store I rounded the corner to find myself by the milk and eggs, both which I needed.   I picked a  carton of eggs and did what?  You know what I did.  I opened it to see if any were cracked,  all of us do that.then  I placed them in the basket them made one more stop at the meat counter to buy some roastbeef.  Then I headed to the cash register to check out.  I place all the items on the belt.  Then here come my eggs.  The cashier opened the carton and said " you have two cracked eggs."  I replied "thats ok." and you would have thought I told her she had three eyes.  She replied " what?, you dont want a new carton?"  "No, I just take those."  She even told the other cashier I was ok with having cracked eggs.    I headed home and took the two eggs out and used them like I would use any of them.  They still worked the same believe it or not.  Well of course all of this started the wheels turning in my head.  Dont we treat people the same.  We dispose of them because they are not like the ones we are use too.  They have some flaws or their immediate appearance it is not what we are use too.  So we basically dispose of them in our own ways.    We avoid them or we gossip about them. 
Gods desire is that we love all people no matter how differnet they are from us.  I have to admit it is not the easiest thing to do in the world but that is Gods desire.  He wants all of us to be with him in heaven one day.   I know that I am not perfect.  I have so many holes and cracks that if I were a glass I could not hold water.  God loves many anyway.  I could only hope that I can love people like God loves me.

What a Week

It is very hard to believe  I had a week like I just had.  One week ago today I lost my father suddenly. I was sitting in church when my phone rang.  Not to interrupt the service  I quickly turned it off.  I did not recognize the number so I did not return the call.  On my way home my brother  called and gave me the bad news.  That was the moment when my world was turned upside down but in the midst of being turned around I found that I was stronger than I ever thought I could be.  I cried really hard the first day then my strong willed self took over and told the cry baby to get out of the way. Something my daddy taught me. He taught me to be tough.  I can remember the day he told to punch a girl in middle school because she was picking on me.  I did and I was so proud to call him to tell him I won. I couldn't let things get in my way and now I wanted him to be proud of his girl taking care of business.. I had to start making decisions that I never made before and had to talk to more people than I every thought I would.. I walked to the casket and make sure he was perfect.  I tucked his smokes in his pocket and gave him his  waffle house coffee cup that he would need. Each guest at the wake was greeted by a hug and somewhat of a smile.  I didn't shed a tear until they folded the flag that draped across the casket,  I felt so guilty for not crying when everyone around was sobbing.  I came home and collapsed on the couch.  Exhausted but unable to sleep. After seeing my sister off and my brother and sit in the silence of my home my heart let go finally.  The cry baby pushed the strong willed out of the way and said have at it.  So the tears came.   I am grateful for all the good times we had.

I see more of him in me the older I get.  He taught me how to mow grass.  I love to mow grass just like him. He taught me how to throw a softball.  He would say " No girl of mine is going to throw like a girl".  Ask my girls how I throw.,  He taught me to punch.  Don't mess with me or you might just get hurt.. ha ha.  He always made me feel safe when he was around because he was tough.  He taught  me how to laugh,  Always acting like a kid.   There are so many things I cant list them all.  But I do know that I didn't tell him I love him enough,  I wished I could tell him one more time but I cant.  So I have learned to not wait til tomorrow because tomorrow might never come,

xoxoxo Daddy

Bengi

I went to bed and woke up three hours later tonight with a horrible stomach ache.  So I got up and drank some milk and just started piddling around the house until the medicine kicked in. Then I heard the familar footsteps coming down the hall towards the kitchen. No, it wasnt a human companion it was my furry little buddy  Bengi.  Let me describe him too you.  He weighs about 12 pounds, big round brown eyes that make your heart melt and he can be a big fuzz ball when his poodle type fur grows out.  We got him when Karlie was in the first grade.  I was looking for a companion for my yorke Max.  My friend told me that someone found a yorkie type dog and was looking for a home for him.  I called the man and he said I could have him if I wanted.  When I got there, much to my surprise he looked nothing like a yorkie.  He was groomed and Mr Larry said he was trained.  So I brought him home.  He attached to me like we were glued at the hips.  We do have our little routine.  When I get up he gets up.  If I take a nap he takes a nap.  Where ever I go he goes.  I think that is a song.  Tim told me when I go on a trip Bengi refuses to lay in the bed.  He stares out the window waiting for me to get home.   He is so excited when I do walk through the door he is always is the first to greet me after a longs day work.  He runs up to me and jump all over until I greet him. If I dont he will follow me around waiting patiently for a hello from mom.  He loves me more than I can imagine.
Dont let someone touch "hit me" or he will be all over them.  One day Tim was playing around and I yelled.  Bengi jumped on the couch and started barking and biting at Tim.  I think if he could he would do anything for me. Why because I loved him first or because I gave him a home.  I think he knows he has a home too when I put his collar on him.  After his bath he will hold still while I put his collar back on.  It is almost like he know he is home when that is on him.  Believe me it is not all love on my part some days.  There are days when he gets in the garbage, or has an accident on the floor or  rolls in something totally digusting.  Like the time he rolled around in rotten duck eggs.  That day there was not a good day for love.  This reminds me of my relationship with God.  He loved me first so I should love him and be devoted to him because he gave it all to me.  A place I will call home one day and he saved me from life in hell.  He sent his ONLY son to die for me.  So I owe him my life.  Just like I saved Bengi from being on the streets.  He knows who saved him, so shouldnt we realize who saved us.

ALL Together

Lately I have been in a funk.  I have not been able to write anything.  I start to and I go completely blank.  So I have started to run again and get going and maybe my brain will start working again. Today when I could have slept in I was determined to get up a tad early and get going.  I put on my running shoes and headed out the door.  Really? was it 90 plus degrees already at 8 am?  I began to sweat before I even started.  This is going to be a fun one.  So I set off .  I didn't get to far before something caught my eye.  You see I am a little ADHD.  I looked down at what looked like a big hug spider crossing the road.  A mountain in the eyes of the spider.  At closer look it was a bunch of ants carrying a dead cricket to their nest. You see  one little aunt could not do the job all by his self.  He or she had to have the assistance of others to do the job.  I watched my church come together this past two weeks to accomplish a task.  VBS took place.  First all of us had to work together to decorate the church and then it all of us the teach the children about God.  It was such a good feeling to see everyone working together.  Too many times we caught up in our own little world and we leave someone else to do the job.  I was so proud of the ones who stepped up to the plate and get VBS going when we thought there would not be  a VBS.  I commend all the teachers who came in from work every night and loved on little children and taught them about the most important thing in the world.  If we worked together like this all the time there would be no telling what height our Church could reach.  Just like the ants carrying the cricket across the road.