I was talking to a co worker the other day and the subject came up about teenagersOan to explain how when I was younger and my friends went somewhere or hung out with someone else I didn't know until someone told me. Usually it happened at school or on the bus. Really made me feel inadequate. It was like a punch in the gut. Instead of blowing it off, I immediately jumped to the conclusion that there was something wrong with me. Teenagers get to see it right off. The see it on FB, Instagram or snapchat. It is in their face. But this week I realized that I am not that much different from teenagers. I let it get to me just as much as I did as a teenager. I immediately think "What is wrong with me?" I get teary eyed and my heart hurts. I had to ask myself why I still let it get to me?
Over the years I have met and know so many people but really do not have a close friend. I know that I am the common denominator of the equation so that is where the doubting of myself comes into play. As a high schooler I was responsible for watching my little sister and brother and working that I didn't have time to "hang" out with friends. I then went to college and didn't have develop any close relationship with no one because I worked and went to school. As I started working I thought I had friends from all my jobs but no one. I have even lived in the same area for 22 years and no one. I know a pity party for one but that is not what I want you to get out of this.
Today I was glancing at facebook and I saw a group of women I know going out for some fun. It is the same group that started a bible study. It is the same group they was developed by women in my church who were my age. My heart got sad.All those high school feelings came back. Why? Because I feel like I am unworthy of being anyone friend. What is wrong with me. Why am I not included? I just wanted to scream out I AM LONELY. I JUST WANT A FRIEND. I am even a little envious of Woody and Buzz. I know they are animated.
As I pray and focus on Gods he tell me I love you child. He gently whispers to me. Don't look to worldly things or people to love you. I love you child of mine. I have got you.
He knows my heart and wants me to want him like I want to be wanted by people.
