The Eyes Have It

I always find it funny how peoples expressions on their face do not match up with what they are saying. For example today I had to have a EGD(upper scope on my throat). So I was told to be there at 6 am sharp. As a good patient I arrived in a timely manner. Of course there were four other 6 am scheduled patients also. The receptionist seemed to be a friendly type of person. So, about 6:30 am they called me to the back. You could tell they had a certain way of handling things in this office. First your vitals were taken then you got your bed assignment so they could start your IV for the procedure. I was the last of the 6am people to have my IV started so I was able to watch each and every one of them go to the procedure room and comeback for recovery. It almost reminded me of a Disney ride. How they moved everyone like and assembly line. You started in your curtain area then as one of the pt had been in the procedure room for about 5 minutes they came and moved the next on to the middle of the room. That way when the anesthetist brought the first from the procedure room to recovery the other nurse could quickly grab the stretcher. So now it was my turn to be placed close to the procedure room. Since I now have had and IV dripping for about and hour and half I had to go to the bathroom. I would ask my transporter if I could use the facilities. She ROLLED her eyes and said "sure sweetie." So what did that say to me. Not really stupid "you should have gone before." I am sure I am guilty of this myself sometimes:whether I am responding to a patient or even a family member. Sometimes when the shoe is put on the other foot it makes you think.

When it is My Time

Today I said goodbye to T.C. Calmes today. He was a great man and that was reiterated over and over today at the funeral. What a great life! So again all of this made me think. Of course it did. I have a young friend named Taylor and when she was in high school she had to write her own eulogy and plan her own funeral. What a task for such a young person. None of us want to think about our own death so that is why we fly through life not thinking about the consequences of our actions. Before we know it the years between 0 an 85 have flown by . Either we embrace what we accomplished in such a short time or we hang our heads in despair. So I have been thinking about what people would say about me. My husband would probably say I was an OK wife. I worked hard and took good care of my family. He would also say I really got on his nerves when I moved his stuff. My daughters would say that I loved them with all my heart and they couldn't live without me because, I did everything for them. My family would say I stayed away to long and that they missed me. My co-workers would say I was very hard working. My church family would say I sang good. But really all of this does not add up to what I want it add up too. I want everyone to say I meant something on this earth and that my life was not a waste. God gave me my life for a reason and I don't want to waste it. Maybe all of us should step back and take a look at our life and think about what we want people to say about us on that day.

Goodbye

Goodby My

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Empty Words

So, I am going to share my heart again. The past few months have probally been the hardest weeks and days of my entire life. You see, in May I lost my job at a facility I had faithfully served for the last 20 years. So my life changed in a big way. First I lost a job that I thought I would retire from one day. Never at this age I could have imagined I would be where I was, "starting OVER." The next was that I felt like I lost my family. I literally went through a mourning period. You see I spent more time with these women than with my own family. Days of silence went by and by without a phone call or a letter of encouragement. There were a couple of nurses who sent me a message occasionaly on FB but I was still so lonely. I threw myself into a PRN job working full-time hours but it wasn't the same at all. Yes the same type of job but not the same. It didn't feel like home. So I have put on a good front and just dealt with it. I smile in the public but cry eyes out on a daily basis at home. My poor husband listens to me and consoles me. He is the absolutely the best. So over the last few weeks I have come in contact with some of my co-workers from the past. Each say the same words to me. First," how have you been?" I really want to say :"How do you think I"ve been?" But I don't. I say "I m doing just fine." Then the words that cut to my soul so deep I cry when I walk away are "I meant to call you." Empty words that do not mean anything at all. If there is one thing that God has taught me through all of this is to be sincere. Just don't say something because it is what should say but say something that has meaning. If you tell someone you are going to pray for them then PRAY FOR THEM! Don't tell someone you know how they feel if you really don't know how they feel. Sometimes all that needs to be said it nothing at all. I am sorry for all the times I've said EMPTY WORDS to anyone.

So Sweet

I am writing this blog in the color pink because who I am writing about is the sweetest little thing in the world. Today the Reitz family got together for lunch. A good time to touch base and celebrated any birthday that is remotely close. As we do for every holiday. One of my favorite little people was there: Jayden(my niece). As soon as she saw me she came and sat in my lap and gave me the biggest hugs ever She sat there for the longest telling me all about her teacher and what she was learning. She talked about everything. As she talked to me she played with my hair and loved on me. It reminded me of my girls when they were little. How when they got in the car they just talked and talked. Often they would crawl in my lap and tell me about their whole day. Now I have to beg them to talk to me. A friend I worked with told me when her daughter was in high school she would make sure she was home when her daughter got home from school because she was not quite sure if it would be a day she would come in and talk to her or bounce right up the stairs like she was never there. She told me didn't want to miss that chance to talk to her. She said the latter was true more often. I didn't quite understand till my girls reach that sweet age. As my girls grow I find myself waiting to talk to them. So when I do talk to them I cherish the moments; though our conversations are very adult like and not so innocent as the talks with them as a child. I wonder if God longs to talk to us. Some days I get up and go about my business and not even give him a second thought about him. His heart must ache to the point where it hurts him so. I'm sure he would love for us to come to him as innocent as a child and just talk to him. He would love for us to crawl up in his lap and love on him everyday.

A thousand Fleas!

This past Friday morning I woke up to the sound of a puppy's cries.. A sound we have all heard in our life time. You see I live in the middle of nowhere, our neighbors are close but not so close and we don't have puppies. So where did that sound come from. Tim started the search and found a little one in our bushes. Filthy, stinky, cold and hungry. First words out of Tim's mouth. "Hes not staying." " Sure dear" was my reply. When Tim went to town for a quick errand I fed little bit something and then I bathed him. I'm a softy when it comes to animals. As I washed him I noticed he was covered in fleas. To the point where he would twitch as they bit him. He was restless and irritable. I didn't even notice he had white spots on him until the fleas came pouring off of him. I cant remember a time I have seen a animal have so many fleas per square inch of his body. The more I bathed him and the more the fleas came off the more he became relaxed. At one point he almost fell asleep in the water. After the bath he fell asleep relaxed as if he didn't have a care in the world. He slept so peaceful and sound. Well of course all of this made me think. I know, my mind is not right at all. So this is what I thought of or actually this is what God thought of. How many of us are covered and sin and it eats away at us all day everyday? We are irritable and testy all the time because we are not following Gods wishes. All we have to do is repent of our sin and God will give us the peace we need to live a relaxed life. Instead of hanging on to it and let it eat away at our soul we should turn it over to the One and Only! Let him have it and you can relax just like my puppy did. What a great feeling that would be.