Sunday, January 13, 2013

What a Week

It is very hard to believe  I had a week like I just had.  One week ago today I lost my father suddenly. I was sitting in church when my phone rang.  Not to interrupt the service  I quickly turned it off.  I did not recognize the number so I did not return the call.  On my way home my brother  called and gave me the bad news.  That was the moment when my world was turned upside down but in the midst of being turned around I found that I was stronger than I ever thought I could be.  I cried really hard the first day then my strong willed self took over and told the cry baby to get out of the way. Something my daddy taught me. He taught me to be tough.  I can remember the day he told to punch a girl in middle school because she was picking on me.  I did and I was so proud to call him to tell him I won. I couldn't let things get in my way and now I wanted him to be proud of his girl taking care of business.. I had to start making decisions that I never made before and had to talk to more people than I every thought I would.. I walked to the casket and make sure he was perfect.  I tucked his smokes in his pocket and gave him his  waffle house coffee cup that he would need. Each guest at the wake was greeted by a hug and somewhat of a smile.  I didn't shed a tear until they folded the flag that draped across the casket,  I felt so guilty for not crying when everyone around was sobbing.  I came home and collapsed on the couch.  Exhausted but unable to sleep. After seeing my sister off and my brother and sit in the silence of my home my heart let go finally.  The cry baby pushed the strong willed out of the way and said have at it.  So the tears came.   I am grateful for all the good times we had.

I see more of him in me the older I get.  He taught me how to mow grass.  I love to mow grass just like him. He taught me how to throw a softball.  He would say " No girl of mine is going to throw like a girl".  Ask my girls how I throw.,  He taught me to punch.  Don't mess with me or you might just get hurt.. ha ha.  He always made me feel safe when he was around because he was tough.  He taught  me how to laugh,  Always acting like a kid.   There are so many things I cant list them all.  But I do know that I didn't tell him I love him enough,  I wished I could tell him one more time but I cant.  So I have learned to not wait til tomorrow because tomorrow might never come,

xoxoxo Daddy

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